Making Connections

As a psychiatrist, I am often faced with a wide array of human emotions—be it the loss of a loved one, an unforgettable reunion, or a painful memory. Sitting through these moments with my patients have evoked different aspects of myself to explore. What inspired me to become a psychiatrist initially began with my desire to make a deeper connection with my patients. Along the way, this career has enriched my own life and given me a new understanding of the world.

My journey in psychiatry started with a patient whose story was dear to me. I met him as a medical student in an inpatient psychiatric unit in Buffalo, N.Y. He was a middle-aged man with schizophrenia. Despite his thoughts being disorganized and filled with delusional content, he was an artist who made beautiful sketches. As an artist myself, I connected with him through his drawings. One day I asked him why he was in the hospital, and to my surprise, he answered, “Loneliness.” It suddenly struck me that he was describing his experience of living with schizophrenia. The illness isolated him from his friends and family as he struggled to create new meaning through art. As a medical student at that time, I was thousands of miles away from home and understood the feelings of loneliness. It was not until later that I realized that I had a positive countertransference toward him, and this helped me understand him as a person who is no different from me. As people, we both seek to find meaning in life and to build relationships with others.

This wish to understand another person took me on the journey of becoming a psychiatrist. The more I practice in psychiatry, the more it opens my eyes to the world. Each patient I encounter offers me a unique perspective. For example, I am currently working in a clinic that serves predominately patients who are survivors of the Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia. During the interviews, I could not believe the atrocities these patients had endured during the massive genocide. I feel humbled and privileged to listen to their stories. I am astounded by the incredible resilience and strength among the survivors who are struggling to adapt to a new host culture. It has made me realize that even in the direst situation, there is still hope and the perseverance of the human spirit.

Yet, the feelings of positivity and empowerment do not happen every day. Especially early in my training, I would come home feeling mentally exhausted after hearing patients’ struggles or their trauma history. Over time, I have come to acknowledge my feelings of helplessness whenever I cannot solve patients’ problems. I am thankful that this career has taught me to be more aware and patient with myself, and the process of learning to accept myself has allowed me to be more emotionally available for my patients. I have taken a proactive role in seeking my own therapy, taking care of myself mentally and physically, setting boundaries with others, and nurturing my mental well-being with the support of friends and family.

Psychiatry is an amazing field that prioritizes the quality of life not only for our patients but for ourselves. It is intellectually challenging and filled with ever-expanding knowledge about our brain and behaviors. As I learn to help my patients, I inevitably gain the ability to look at life from different viewpoints and become more mindful of my own thoughts and feelings. I am glad that being a psychiatrist is a part of my identity. ■