My Personal Journey to Wholeness Through Peer Wellness

“You are not your thoughts. You are that peaceful calm awareness behind the thoughts. You can choose to let thoughts come and go. And you are creating your own reality.” I was listening, but I certainly was not understanding. My stepfather, who had taken an interest in my well-being after he had become aware of my life struggles and mental health challenges, sounded so far away and, quite frankly, so far out there. I was lying on a couch, feeling like a helpless prisoner in my own home, but I was listening. I was in my early 20s, and even though I was drowning in severe depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, intrusive thoughts, and agoraphobia and teetering on the edge of despair, homelessness, hopelessness, and suicidal ideation, I still wanted to make something out of my life. But first I needed to find some relief to an unbearable pain in my soul that had haunted me for as long as I could remember.

This experience is just one example of the many hardships that have led me to where I am now in the growing and evolving field of peer support. My life seemed to start out very promising for me and then quickly turned south. My immigrant father was the pro-wrestling legend Mike Pappas—The Flying Greek—and my blonde-haired, blue-eyed mother was a woman widely known and admired for her good looks, warmth, and wit. My parents loved each other very much but split up when I was young. I was the sole survivor of a pair of prematurely born identical twins. When I was 3 or 4 years old, I had a near-death experience when I underwent a surgical procedure for bladder trauma, and a few years later, my mother was killed by her new husband. I was homeless at 14, was in foster homes until I was 18, and became a homecoming queen–turned–high school dropout. I developed anxiety symptoms, which further developed into agoraphobia, and eventually could not even leave the house on most days. I earned a GED, but severe and bizarre intrusive thoughts got in the way of my pursuing a college degree. In my 20s, I experienced a nervous breakdown, several abusive relationships, suicidal ideation, and subsequent poverty.

However, wellness found a way back into my life because I became obsessed with my body image and wanted to keep a slim physique. I exercised to videocassette tapes of aerobics classes in my living room when I was too anxious to leave my home, and I learned that my mental health improved when I exercised and was careful about what I ate. I never would have thought, however, that in my 30s I would go on to earn a dual bachelor’s degree in psychology and philosophy and then a master of arts degree in storytelling, become a Screen Actors Guild–American Federation of Television and Radio Artists actress, get married, and become a reality TV star.

Things went well for me for a number of years, and my distress symptoms were mostly manageable, until I experienced domestic violence in my marriage and became homeless again after fleeing the domestic situation with nothing but my cat and the clothes on my back. Shortly thereafter, I had another breakdown and more suicidal ideation. I had hit rock bottom when I realized that in just one day I had lost everything I had ever dreamed of. I experienced nightmares of the abuse and loss every night for an entire year. I began to research whether it is possible for someone to die of a broken heart. Somehow, despite my deep exhaustion, I found the strength to watch YouTube videos of a motivating spiritual teacher, and, eventually, my life slowly started to get better again.

Moreover, I received a call that opened up a wonderful career in peer wellness, a field in which I have had the honor and privilege of working since 2015. I will never forget the day of that call because, even though I was educated and had some work experience, I had not been able to find a job after returning to my hometown. My passion for wanting to serve the folks I grew up with, those who were making do with very scarce health care and other resources in a rural area of East Tennessee, prompted me to look for available jobs on my local mental health agency’s website. I found an opening for a peer wellness coach (PWC) position, and the wellness part really stood out to me. Now in my 40s, I had become an avid wellness advocate for myself and my closest friends, several of whom had suggested that I look for a job in the wellness field. However, I had not the slightest idea what “peer” meant at the time. After doing some research into what peer professionals do, I became very enthusiastic about this work and applied for the position. I received a small alimony payment from my ex-husband for 1 year—the very same day he deposited the final check, I got the call for an interview for the PWC position and was hired.

Unlike in my 20s, when I could not hold down a permanent job because of my psychiatric diagnoses and life struggles, I have excelled in my new career and gained much recognition in the field of peer support. I have earned numerous certificates, several prestigious awards, including Peer Advocate of the Year and the very first Peggy Swarbrick Excellence in Service Award. I completed two terms as chair of the consumer advisory board and became a member of the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers. With genuine love and dedication to my profession—and unconditional positive regard for my peers—I have served first as a PWC, then as a statewide PWC, and finally as director of a peer wellness initiative. I discovered that I enjoy bestowing honor, knowledge, and recognition onto my devoted team of PWCs just as much as, if not more than, receiving these accolades. I enjoy nurturing my team and providing training and advocacy for my fellow certified peer recovery specialists who are working in agencies across the state to meet the needs of the peers we serve. I am very grateful for my wonderful supervisors, directors, mentors, and coworkers.

Many of the peer support specialists with whom I interact have told me that their work is pivotal to their own transformational path to wellness and healing, resiliency, recovery, and victory and that they find this work extremely rewarding. I, too, find meaning and purpose in being a part of something bigger than myself and working for the benefit of others. Thanks to this work, I feel like an accomplished human being despite my seemingly insurmountable odds and despite being a person from a small town in Appalachian East Tennessee with a psychiatric diagnosis.

My PWC team uses the eight dimensions of wellness model, an evolving list of evidence-based self-management workshops (including mindfulness—now I’m teaching others “you are not your thoughts”!), one-on-one peer wellness coaching, and a variety of health and wellness activities to improve the lives of Tennesseans receiving mental health services. Our team continues to grow and expand in sync with the changing needs of the population we serve. We are a group of dedicated self-managers with a genuine desire to use our hard-earned lived experience to connect with, inform, and empower peers in our Tennessee communities.

I believe that we become more resilient when we recognize that there’s a reason, a meaning, and a purpose for why we sometimes have to suffer in the fires of phoenix-rising moments. That is, in and of itself, an incredibly empowering feeling.

My work as a peer support specialist gives me the opportunity to bring my passions and skills to the table, particularly the realization that well-being is intrinsically connected to both mental and general medical health, which was instrumental to my own ongoing recovery. My work continues to provide a direct path to my own wholeness and wellness. And because of this, even though I feel a great deal of shame about many things from my past, I, like so many of my peer support specialist colleagues, wouldn’t go back and change a thing.

It is well known that the work peer professionals do effectively improves the recovery and overall health and wellness of individuals receiving mental health and social services. As peer support specialists, we learn how to recover, become well, and thrive, and then we inspire, encourage, and guide others to find their own path to wholeness. Peer support specialists have much to offer to the field of mental health, and the field reciprocates by giving us the opportunity to bring our unique lived experiences and journeys to recovery to the table. Individuals who receive peer support, especially those who are nurtured, supported, valued, and empowered, can and do get well and can stay well for a long time. The peer recovery specialist field is an especially rich environment with opportunity for such growth and self-actualization.

I am living proof that employment in the peer support field can serve as a valuable, life-saving opportunity for persons with lived experience by helping them find a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives, balance occupational and overall wellness, and thrive both professionally and personally.