AACAP.See American Academy of Child and Adolescent PsychiatryAbandonment,42Academy of Professional Family Mediators,234Adolescentscommunicating with about divorce,24difficulty with remarriage,203–204impact of divorce on,73–74Adoption,207–208Adversarial legal system,35Aggression in children,191Alcohol abuse,80, 130safety of children and,120American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP),194, 235American Bar Association,236American Psychiatric Association (APA),194, 235American Psychological Association,194, 236Angerof children,142–143, 223–224impact of divorce and,59–60parents dealing with,118–119Anorexia nervosa,65Arbitration,40Attachment, importance of to children,9–11Attorneyfor each parent,34initial consultation with,31Babysitters,76Bed-wetting,62Behavioradult regressive or unusual,79–80cause-and-effect action of,144ignoring bad behavior,167impact of divorce on children’s behavior,55–76of parents,18rewarding good behavior,165–166ritualistic,191Binding arbitration,40Bipolar disorder,228Boarding school,224–225Bulimia nervosa,65Bullying,191, 228–229Camp,224–225Catfishing,98Catholic Divorce Ministry,234Child protective agencies,89Childrenalone versus lonely,61chores and responsibilities of,85–88communicating with about divorce,15–27age-appropriate explanations,23–24ages5–8, 23ages9–12, 24teenagers and college students,24younger than age 5,23responding to common questions,17–22confidentiality and,180contact with parent,103dealing with their own mistakes,167–168development of,55with divorced parents,11–12emotional well-being of,139engagement of,176–177fear for themselves,20fear of not seeing a parent again,19–20friends of,181–182, 190helping to shine,147–149hope for reconciliation of parents,222–223identification with both parents,18impact of divorce on,55–76ages5–8, 70–71ages9–12, 71–73dealing with feelings,75–76improvement of reactions,74preschool years,68–70reactions common to most children,56–66anger,59–60eating problems,65fear,57guilt,60–61loneliness,61masturbation,64physical problems,64–65regression,62rejection,62sadness,57–58school problems,64sleep problems,62–64wish for reconciliation,65–66teenagers,73–74importance of attachment,9–11knowledge about divorce,9lack of communication with,135LGBTQ,134–135living with one parent,19loyalty to parents,106misbehavior of,161–162need for both parents,11–12need for discipline,158need for privacy,76neglect of,161“new normal” for,30parenting techniques to build self-esteem of,137–155professional help for,187–200questions about divorce,229risk of developmental and psychological problems,7self-image of,12sexual abuse of,36sexuality of,11–12, 192stress with remarriage,203support groups for,25thoughts about parenting time,120–122Children’s Rights Council,234Child support,48–50. See Incomeincome withholding order,49legislation for,48refusal to pay,227Chores and responsibilities,85–88Collaborative law,40–41Communicationbody language,167with children,135with children about divorce,26–27with ex-spouse’s relatives,177keeping lines open,26–27mediation and,37of remarriage to children,210Community events,117, 123Community organizations,100Confidentialitychildren’s,180with therapist,196Cooperation, to build child’s self-esteem,145–147Court-appointed examiners,46–47Custody,11–12best interests of the child,43custodial arrangements,42joint custody,43–44relocation of parent,230–231role of judge,43role of mental health professionals in disputes of,46–47sole legal and physical custody,42–43sole versus joint custody,44–46stepfamily and,217types ofjoint custody,43–44sole legal and physical custody,42–43sole versus joint custody,44–46Dating after divorce,94–99Death of parent,132–133Denial,81–83Discipline,157–174abandoning,157of children,111–112children misbehaving,161–162consequences of,171description of,158–160effectiveness of,160family values and,162–164parental avoidance of,159planning,162positive versus negative reinforcement,165reasoned approach to discipline,160–161with stepfamily,208, 211–212techniques,164–170avoiding problematic situations,166body language,167collaboration with ex-spouse,173communication of family values,164–165connecting behavior to outcome,168–169correcting children,170–172criticism,174flexibility when problem solving,166ignoring bad behavior,167letting children deal with their own mistakes,167–168letting problem resolve on its own,168punishment,169–170, 173rewarding good behavior,165–166setting a good example,164, 173warning before,171Dispute resolution, methods of,33–34Divorce.See Legal process; Marriage; Separationattitudes toward,184Catholic church and,3–4children’s hope of reconciliation,222–223children’s questions about,229communicating with children about,15–27age-appropriate explanations,23–24ages5–8, 23ages9–12, 24teenagers and college students,24younger than age 5,23ending the discussion,24–25keeping the lines of communication open,26–27with or without the spouse,22rationalizations about,15–16responding to common questions,17–22costs of,32decision to,7–13, 60disputes after divorce is final,50–53high-conflict,90history of regulations of,3–4impact on children,55–76impact on parenting,77–101managing expectations about outcome of,32–33no-fault,2, 54professional help for children,187–200rates of,2, 3settlement through compromise,35transition from marriage,33, 95Doctor’s visits, attendance of by noncustodial parent,116Drawing,58, 61, 122, 144–145, 195Driving privileges,104–105DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for narcissism,36Eating problems, impact of divorce and,65Emergencies,153Exchange times,106–107Facebook,2, 16, 97, 111FaceTime,116Family.See Stepfamilynew family history,211traditions of,33values and discipline,162–164Family law,31. See Legal processFear, impact of divorce and,57Feelingshelping children deal with,75–76sharing,58Financial penalties, as punishment for misbehavior,169Grandparentsrole in children’s lives,181support from,178, 180–181Grounding, as punishment for misbehavior,169Guiltimpact of divorce and,60–61support and,178Hair pulling,190“Helicopter parent,”187–188Holidays,109, 112–113Home environment,172, 226Homework,63, 106, 122, 145, 161, 163House rules,120, 172Illness of parent,125–126, 128–130, 228Impartial examiner,198Incarceration of parent,132Income.See Child support; Moneyof single mothers,3withholding order,49Instagram,2International Academy of Collaborative Professionals,236Isolation, of divorced parents,90–91Legal process,29–54arbitration,40child support,48–50collaborative law,40–41costs of,32court-appointed examiners,46–47custodycustodial arrangements,42parenting time with children,47–48role of mental health professionals in disputes of,46–47types of,42–46disputes after divorce is final,50–53behavioral motives,51–52compromise,51, 52income withholding order,49litigation and the adversarial system,34–36managing expectations about divorce outcome,32–33mediation,36–40meeting with family law attorney,31–32methods of dispute resolution,33–34parenting coordinators,41LGBTQ parents and children,134–135, 227–228Listening, as technique to build child’s self-esteem,140–145Litigation.See Legal processadversarial system and,34–36description of,34–35Living arrangements,79Living skills,153Lonelinessversus being alone,61dealing with,75impact of divorce and,61Lying,171parental,220–221versus truth,198–199Magical thinking,69Marriage,2, 3, 21. See Divorce; Separation; Stepfamilydissolution of,12, 33remarriage,92, 201–206transition to divorce,33Masturbationimpact of divorce and,64parental discussion with children about,72Matrimonial law,31. See Legal processMediation,36–40communication and,37successful versus unsuccessful,39–40Mediator,36Mencultural choices of,2father-absent homes,3as stepfathers,206–209Mental health professionalsforensic role of,46role in disputes of custody,46–47selection of,193–196Mental illnesscost of therapy,195lack of insurance for treatment of,195of parent,128–130professional help for children,187–200boys versus girls,191, 192–193evaluating the child,196–197indications for immediate help,191–192parental role in seeking,198–199selection of therapist,193–196sexual and physical abuse and,197–198threshold for intervention,189–190questions for therapist,197referrals,194types of therapy,195Money,153–154. See IncomeNAMI.See National Alliance on Mental IllnessNarcissism, DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for,36National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI),236National Association of Social Workers,19National Coalition Against Domestic Violence,235Negotiation, of punishment for misbehavior,169Nonbinding arbitration,40Order of protection,89Parental alienation syndrome,118Parenting coordinators,41Parenting time,47–48, 103–124between parenting time sessions,115–117doctors’ visits,116letters and cards,116phone calls,115–116photographs,116–117religious and community events,117school events,116, 117Skype and FaceTime,116video/audio recordings,116children’s refusal of,224children’s thoughts about,120–122negative,120–121positive,121–122dealing with angry, alienated children,118–119discipline,111–112making it natural,114–115making it work,105–111checklists,108exchange times,106–107including significant others,111location,109–110overview,105–106reliability,110schedules,108–109missed parenting time,219–220normal reactions to parenting time,113–114special days and holidays,112–113state guidelines for,105Parentsabsence from children’s daily lives,58adult regression,79–81denial and sublimation,81–83parent as child/child as parent,80–81regressive or unusual behavior,79–80allegations of sexual abuse,90as child and child as parent,80–81children’s reliance on,149common problems of divorced parents,78–83conditional separation of,21–22conflict between,27, 30continuation of parenting after divorce,172creating a scene,221dangerous behavior of,18death of,132–133decision to divorce,60departure of,17dependence on children,82with different value systems,133–134“helicopter parent,”187–188impact of divorce on,66–68, 77–101creating a social life,93–94dating,94–99involvement in activities,100–101moving on,91–101incarcerated,132isolation versus hyperactivity,90–91LGBTQ,134–135mentally ill,128–130new living arrangement of,19noncustodial,48, 118–119overinvolved,128parenting techniques to build child’s self-esteem,137–155physically and/or emotionally absent,130–131physical violence of,8reason for leaving,17–18relocation of,230–231remarriage and,210–211safety issues,120turning against each other,225uninvolved/absent,126–127violence and,84–90Parents Without Partners,94, 100, 233–234Parent-teacher association,117Peers, support from,182Petitioner,35Pets, as technique to build child’s self-esteem,154–155Phobias,190Physical abuse, professional help for,197–198Physical problems, impact of divorce and,64–65Playtime,149, 190Praisefor good behavior,165as technique to build child’s self-esteem,149–150Privileges, restriction of as punishment for misbehavior,169–170Problem solvingflexibility of,166as technique to build child’s self-esteem,151–153Punishment,169–170choice of,170corporal,170Reconciliation, children’s wish for,65–66Regressionimpact of divorce on adults,79–81impact of divorce on children,62Rehabilitative maintenance,101Rejection, impact of divorce and,62Religionbelonging to a church or synagogue,94, 101Catholic church and divorce,3–4family values and,162religious ceremonies, attendance of by noncustodial parent,117Remarriage,92, 201–206children’s loss of parental attention,204–205stress of children and,203success of,209, 212time with children,225Respondent,35Responsibilitiesassignment of,146, 148of children,85–88choices and,147criticism of,146parental abdication of,158parental delegation of,174of stepfamily,216Rewardsfor good behavior,166system of,165–166Ritualsbedtime,62–63evening,123Role models,71–72Sadness, impact of divorce and,57–58Safety,120safe haven for children,175–176skills for,153Schedules,108–109with other children,122for parenting time days,122Schoolafter-school programs,226boarding school,224–225events, attendance of by noncustodial parent,116parent-teacher association,117problems, impact of divorce and,64Security object,62Self-esteem,137–138bolstering,183parenting techniques to build child’s,137–155active listening,140–145encouraging cooperation,145–147giving praise,149–150having a pet,154–155helping child to shine,147–149parental expectations,146problem solving,151–153teaching survival skills,153–154teachers and,182–184Self-help groups,89Self-identification,153Self-image,140Separation.See Divorce; Marriageconditional,21–22Separation anxiety,10Sexchildren’s questions about parental sex,223sexually active child,192Sexual abuse,36allegations of,90, 229–230parental avoidance of charges of,199–200professional help for,197–198Sexuality,73, 190adult,96of girls with absent fathers,11–12Sexually transmitted diseases,72Siblingsrivalry,83in stepfamilies,214Skype,116Sleep problems,62–64, 190Snapchat,2Social media,2, 74, 97, 181, 206Spanking,170Stepfamily,201–218. See Familyadjustment to,201–202cohesive,209–215custodial parents and,217development of trust with,211discipline and,208, 211–212fair treatment of children,218guidelines for,215–218loyalty conflict with,217overlapping roles in,212responsibilities of,216siblings in,214stepmothers and stepfathers,206–209traditions and rituals of,217Stressof children with remarriage,203of parents,172Sublimation,81–83Substance abuse,80Suicide,79, 191of parent,132–133Supportduring and after divorce,185–186children’s need for others,184–186considerations and,177–178from friends,181–182guidelines for,179–180groups for children,25, 182overview,175–177from relatives,178–181grandparents,178, 180–181guidelines for,179–180from teachers,182–184Survival skills,121teaching as technique to build child’s self-esteem,153–154Teachers, support from,182–184Temper tantrums,62Thumb-sucking,62, 190Time-out,169Trauma, child development and,55Travel, of children for parenting time109–110Twitter,2Value systems,133–134, 226Video/audio recordings,116Video games,76Violenceadult,84–90of children,192order of protection and,89parental,8physical,84, 88–90Visitation.See CustodyWelfare, mothers on,48Womencultural choices of,2income of single mothers,3mothers on welfare,48rates of female-headed families,3resources for battered women,235as stepmothers,206–209