Spirituality, Ethics, and Relationships in Adulthood: Clinical and Theoretical Explorations

I ask you, dear colleagues, to answer me true. Have you been pondering V code 62.89 (religion or spiritual problems) and about how life should be lived? Have you been preparing for a spiritual quest to facilitate your participation in the dance of living? Do you yearn to be set free by the truth that flows from an intimate relationship with the universe? Are you eager to accept the higher consciousness that comes with egolessness? Are you sensitive enough to recognize the Divine Feminine Goddess in every woman? Do you seek experiences that go beyond human knowing but are nevertheless known by humans? Are you at long last ready to examine how the fourth century Cappadocian Fathers’ understanding of the Trinity may lead you to attain a fifth-order consciousness? If these questions excite you, then you absolutely need to read Spirituality, Ethics, and Relationships in Adulthood.

This edited book of essays written by social scientists in psychology, sociology, and religious studies starts with the premise that ours is an age of uncertainty and fragmentation. As noted by Kegan in his marvelously titled tome, we are In Over Our Heads (1) because of the high level of abstraction needed to cope with postmodern life. Thus, according to the book’s introduction,

Sounds right to me, although I expect that people have had pretty much the same needs since we first came down from the trees.

Several chapters clarify that it is difficult to become a “maker of meaning” when you are struggling just to survive and make do. Certainly for a large number of my patients, peak experiences and self-actualization would seem to come in the form of a good night’s sleep, the arrival of a disability check one day earlier than usual, or the disappearance of threatening voices. We all probably could profit from a good dose of self-actualization, but who has the time and the inclination? Truck drivers? Grocery store clerks? Accountants? Surgeons? Does a soccer mom become self-actualized when her daughter scores a winning goal? Does self-actualization occur if you score 300 when you’re bowling alone rather than in a league? When you boil it down, self-actualization seems to resonate most with some social scientists in psychology, sociology, and religious studies and, perhaps, with people who have a happy second marriage.

In a scientifically ascendant world, it really is difficult to get a grip on spirituality. Traditionally people have turned to formal religion for answers, but the world of St. Francis of Assisi is long gone, and the Fundamentalists who cling to Biblical inerrancy (the earth was created in 4004 B.C.and the sun revolves around it, etc.) are hardly credible. Easterners are turning to Christianity while Westerners are flirting with Buddhism. Muslims are caught up with politics, and nobody understands Hinduism. Secular spirituality is a big business and has gone ga-ga over pyramid power, channeling, quartz crystals, herbs, personal trainers, chi, redwoods, and Tiger Woods.

At least the authors in the book under review make a serious attempt to ask and begin to answer important questions. It definitely is not a guide to how to live long and prosper, although the chapter on “Conversion and the Self” is enlightening. I was greatly relieved not to find in the book even one reference to guardian angels or chicken soup, but I was disappointed not to find even one original memorable epigram. The best I could come up with is an anecdote from the chapter “On Being Both the Center and the Circumference”:

Biological psychiatrists should take some comfort from the abbot’s prescient words.