Arts and CultureFull Access
A Stray
Published Online:6 Dec 2021https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp-rj.2021.170205
| My name is Gregory. | |
| Brother, son, husband, and father, | |
| 50-something-year-old addict | |
| in excruciating pain. | |
| Claims to be in pain. | |
| Murmurs outside my door. | |
| If only they knew how much | |
| I am hurting. | |
| Exaggerates. Broke bone over a week ago. | |
| Two heavy taps, twist of the handle, enter. | |
| Let's get this over with. | Let's get this over with. |
| Like disappointed parents, they approach. | |
| Hopefully this can be brief. | |
| We know his tricks. | |
| They stand over me. | |
| Hands on hips. Scornful | |
| scowls. I cower. Their puppy | |
| who misbehaved. | |
| No, a stray mutt. | |
| Homeless, famished, desperate. | |
| Fidgets in bed, stands and paces, | |
| confined for too long in the room. | |
| I ask for help. | |
| Demands more oxy. | |
| Not going to happen, buddy. | |
| Growls in rage, howls profanities. | |
| I feign anger to mask | |
| my suffering, but anger is not | |
| what I feel. | |
| Embarrassment. Fear. Defeat. | |
| Those are better words. | |
| They finally leave. | We finally leave. |
| Nothing to do but | |
| retreat to the wreckage. | |
| Needs to distract himself from his | |
| addiction. | |
| The broken arm taunts me, the withdrawals | |
| beat me, and the shame | |
| tethers me to despair. | |
| Doesn't he have a family? | |
| I am a brother, son, husband, father, and | |
| famished mutt. | |
| They deserve better. | They deserve better. |
| Addiction consumes these roles. | |
| He is destroying himself. | |
| Frigid pangs of regret and gusts of guilt | |
| slap me across the face and bite | |
| at my soul. | |
| The storm of addiction | |
| destroys all shelter; no refuge | |
| for a stray. | |
| Poor thing. | |
| I am sick. | He is an addict. |
| I need help. | He needs help. |
