Psychotherapy in the Digital Age: What We Can Learn From Interpersonal Psychotherapy
Abstract
What Is IPT?
The Digital Age and Key IPT Strategies
Sick Role
I know that it has been hard for you to leave the house recently. When you’re feeling down, it’s normal to cut back on some activities. Just like you would do if you had any other illness, when you’re depressed, you may need to lay low temporarily so you can focus on getting well. It’s OK for you to stay at home except for going to school, at least for now. Connecting with people can help to improve your depression, so we should be sure you don’t lose touch with your friends while you are spending more time at home. Although seeing your friends in person would probably be most helpful for your mood, I understand that you feel very overwhelmed by the idea of meeting with people right now. Can you think of other ways to stay in touch until you’re feeling up to going out? Connecting over social media might be a good initial step, until you are feeling a little better.
Interpersonal Inventory
Therapist: Tell me more about Juan. How did you meet?Patient: We used to play Fortnite together with some other friends, but then we started chatting on WhatsApp.Therapist: Do you mostly text or talk?Patient: We text a bunch during the day, but sometimes we talk at night.Therapist: Do you talk on the phone?Patient: No, we video chat on FaceTime. He and I like to share memes with each other and talk about stuff that happened at school.Therapist: It sounds like he’s supportive.Patient: Yeah, there aren’t any other trans kids in my high school. It’s nice to talk with someone who gets it.Therapist: When you’re having a rough time, is he someone you can be open with?Patient: Yeah, he’s cool.Therapist: Do you mean that you can open the computer and FaceTime with Juan if you’re feeling down?Patient: I’d rather text, but yeah, if I asked him to FaceTime, he would.Therapist: Have you ever met Juan in real life?Patient: No, he lives really far away.Therapist: Do you consider him a good friend?Patient: Yeah, for sure.Therapist: Does he know that you’ve been depressed?Patient: Uh-huh. He’s been depressed too, so he gets it.
Communication Analysis
Therapist: Did your fight with Trey take place entirely by text messages?Patient: Yes.Therapist: Ok. Let’s look at the messages. Can you pull them up on your phone?[Patient shows therapist the messages on her phone.]Therapist: What were you trying to tell him through this exchange of messages?Patient: That I need him to be more present in the lives of our kids. That I want him to interact with Jerrold and Deshawn, not just bury his nose in his phone.Therapist: What do you think he understood from these texts?Patient: That I am pissed off at him.Therapist: Let’s take a closer look at what you wrote. “When u coming home? Planning to sit on couch? LOL.” He responded by writing, “I cannot even.” What did that text mean?Patient: He was just blowing me off, like he usually does.Therapist: Blowing you off? You mean that he didn’t want to hear what you had to say?Patient: Yeah, it was like a politer way of saying, “[expletive] you.”Therapist: How did you feel when you read that?Patient: Angry. He knows I want him to come home early so he can be with the kids.Therapist: I wonder, though, if that’s what he understood from what you wrote. How might he have felt when he read “Planning to sit on couch? LOL”?Patient: Well, that’s what he does every night. Sit on the couch. Playing those video games.Therapist: It is hard to tell with a text whether you are being teasing or sarcastic or just plain mean. What was your intention here?Patient: I guess all of those things.Therapist: Where were you when you wrote these texts?Patient: At work.Therapist: Were you in a hurry when you wrote them?Patient: Yeah, my boss doesn’t like us to use our phones during work.Therapist: It sounds like you wrote the text in a rush. Perhaps as a result, the message was unclear. Maybe he had trouble figuring out what you meant.Patient: Maybe. He also was at work, so I am not sure how closely he read it.Therapist: That’s also a great point. If he was rushed reading it and wasn’t sure what you meant, does that change your interpretation of “I cannot even”?Patient: Maybe he was fed up by not knowing what I was trying to say and didn’t have time to figure it out?Therapist: It seems that trying to have this conversation by text might have had its limitations. Both of you might have misunderstood the other person.Patient: Yes, that’s a possibility. When you point that out, I guess it’s hard to tell what was going on.Therapist: Do you think the conversation might have been different if you had talked in person?
Role-playing
Therapist: It sounds like the goal of your text was to ask Trey to come home early so that he could spend more time with Jerrold and Deshawn.Patient: Yes, and to get his butt off the couch when he’s at home.Therapist: You are worried that if he comes home early, he will spend the time playing video games rather than being with Jerrold and Deshawn.Patient: Exactly.Therapist: How might you tell him this?Patient: I could just say it.Therapist: Sure, but I’m wondering if it might be helpful for us to practice the conversation once or twice, to figure out the best way for you to say what you want to say. We could practice role-playing the conversation.Patient: I’d be down to practice, but I still think I’ll text him rather than talk to him.Therapist: Why is that?Patient: That’s just what we do. I mean sometimes we talk, but mostly if I need him to do something, I text him.Therapist: Maybe we can eventually practice how you might have this conversation in person, because, in many ways, I think it would be more effective. But, for now, since you are more likely to do this by text message, let’s strategize together about what you would write.Patient: That sounds good.Therapist: How would you communicate to him that you want him to come home early and you want him to play with the kids? What exactly would you write? Show me on your phone, and I’ll pretend to text back on my phone as if I were him.[Therapist and patient can text each other or pretend to text by writing down messages on paper.]Patient: “Get your butt home tonight before 5 p.m. so you can take care of the rug rats.”Therapist: “In your dreams.” Did I get it right? Is this how he would respond?Patient: Yes, that’s about right.Therapist: Ok. So, then what would you text?Patient: “I mean it. Jerrold and Deshawn need to see their Dad.”Therapist: “They see their Dad all the time. Gotta go.”Patient: I think you must know him! This isn’t going anywhere, which is probably what would happen.Therapist: What could you do differently? Could you tell him how you are feeling?Patient: I guess so. I could tell him how frustrated I feel.Therapist: Frustrated? Any other feelings?Patient: And lonely. It is hard to do this alone.Therapist: It would be important to tell him that. Why don’t I pretend I’m you in this role-playing, and you can be him?Patient: OK.Therapist: “I feel really lonely when I am at home with the kids in the evening and you are not there.”Patient: “Tough luck, babe.”Therapist: “Any chance you could come home a little bit earlier tonight to spend time with us? It would make me feel less alone, and I think it would be good for the kids.”Patient: He might respond to that softer approach.Therapist: Would you be willing to give it a try this week and let me know what happens?
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